The whiskey in my drink burns a little when I take a sip. My mind floats as I listen to Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats. Right now it’s about 12:55 and I’m feeling pretty good. I have a nice buzz, some perfect late night tunes humming from my computer’s sound system, and I’m thinking about how much I love my wife and son in this moment. I should head up to bed and let the alcohol carry me away to any number of exotic or fantastic destinations in the vast frontier of my dreamscape, but right now I just want to listen to the music and feel good.
My late nights, I have always cherished them, even when I was deep in the bowels of an anxiety attack or burying myself in the depths of my blankets letting the darkness of depression smother me. There’s just something about the quiet of the early morning hours that clears my mind, allows me to feel normal.
I’ve been a night owl as far back as I can remember, even in junior high and high school. During the summer staying up until 1:00am or 2:00am drawing, listening to music, reading, or writing were my favorite parts of vacation. The early mornings were so quiet, the best was just after midnight, especially when I could leave my windows open and just listen to the white noise of our city, our neighborhood; I absolutely loved my late nights.
When Michelle and I moved down to Illinois, the late nights became even more important to me. The week to week grind of school and work wound me so tight that staying up until 2:00am or later on weekends wasn’t just a hobby, it was a way to survive. Not only was it survival, I had friends at that point who liked to stay up that late as well. The earliest I would go to bed on weekends would be 2:30am or 3:00am unless I had to work or we had something going on.
In 2004, after wrapping production on my first film I would take a nap late in the afternoon and from 10:00pm until 4:00am or so I would edit as many scenes as I could. Part of it was because it was just too damn hot during the day to edit; it was August, the dog days of summer, and our house only had a window unit for air conditioning, but the larger reason was that in those six hours I could just edit in peace without the noise of our neighborhood interfering. I could listen, think, and put things in order without the constant, beehive-fucking-buzz distracting me.
Now that I am much older, I like the late nights if for no other reason than to just think and listen to music. Tonight I’m thinking about how much Dominic and Michelle mean to me, how much fun I had last night with Michelle’s former co-workers, and how much fun I had with my little family going to see some friends in New Richmond followed by lunch. We came home, watched The Simpsons, and I played Boss Monster with Dominic, then later, Neverwinter Nights on my Xbox One with one of my best friends, Eric Kelly.
Tonight is about reflection, a strong drink, just being me, and, for the first time in a long time, being happy being me. I’ve missed being me for a long time. I wish tonight could last a little longer, but I do in fact need to get some sleep. I need to be ready for whatever today brings, and with the way my beloved Green Bay Packers have been playing this year, it could be a little rough.
Regards,
John
Uncommon Karma 